Praise & Authenticity – Faiza Liban

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]This article not only resonated with me, it has motivated me to share my own lessons in parenting (Click for Article)

The path on the parenting journey is never a straight line – it’s all about peaks and valleys. Too often, we infuse our children’s experiences with our own story. Inspired by the above article, I realize that I am a medley of the writer’s father and mother. During my early parenting years, I not only praised, but I celebrated and applauded any and all of my children’s accomplishments. All my daughter had to do was pull herself up and hold her head up for 5 seconds, and I would be doing the happy dance! As a new mother, all normal milestones (crawling, holding a spoon, sitting up) were moments to be celebrated.

As I became a parent for the second time, and started evolving and maturing as a parent, I couldn’t help but question the authenticity of my reaction to both these natural milestones and my children’s academic and extracurricular accomplishments.

Who was I truly applauding?
Was I applauding my child or myself?
Was the applause masking my own fears?
Was the applause affirmation and relief that my child was “on track” or “normal”?

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Not long after, my children would say something as simple but profound, as “mom, I do this all the time”, or “it’s just the monkey bars, it’s not like I bungee jumped”.

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It was then, I realized that I could love and be proud of my child without constant praise.

It was then, I decided that it was more important for my child to be proud of herself.

It was then, I resolved to face my fears and accept the child I was given, just as she was.

It was then, I accepted that applause and praise are a form of judgement, too.

It was then, I started the slow retreat to my zone – to be steady, encourage, give them the tools, and let them enjoy their accomplishments – which they earned.

It was then, that their definition of success emerged. It was then, I learned to be in flow.

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Time and time again, I fall into the praise and applause trap, it’s only human, and like all our children, I am learning and growing into wisdom.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

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