Equanimity & The Chaos Of Parenting

According to Deepak Chopra, “Equanimity is being friendly toward the happy, compassionate to the unhappy, taking delight in the virtuous, being indifferent to the wicked”. Beautiful, right?

It is also described as composure and being in a state that is undisturbed by exposure to external experiences.

How the hell are we (parents), supposed to attain equanimity? Practicing mindfulness through presence and meditation can be grounding and helpful, even. Especially when things are going great! But can we sustain it? Are you struggling with striking the balance between equanimity and just plain reacting to the myriad of issues raising a child brings up not just daily but all the time?

How do we practice non-interference and balance when we are depleted from months of sleepless nights because your baby or toddler just isn’t ready to sleep through the night? When your child is struggling with development issues and/or illness? When your preteen or teenager is struggling socially? Or failing at school? (No, I am going with the fact that you are mindful or at least trying so you are not going to bribe someone to photoshop them into a non-existent sports team and bribe the proctor to change their grades).

It is tempting to say “screw being mindful, this crap is real and I am raw, depleted, angry and have nothing left in the tank”. And time to time, I know I do. Then I sit….

Realizing that life is supposed to be this way and fighting my reality, my thoughts and my struggles just does not make anything better. So I sit….

With my fear. With my frustration. With my thoughts (that spinning wheel). I acknowledge them and welcome them, grateful for my problems – for they are lighter than somebody else’s. And I sit…

With the knowledge that this is not permanent and recognize that I must be kind to myself. That I must not become addicted to my problems or my thoughts. That I must become one with the breath, and shift my awareness to the moment. Then I sit…

And breath. And regulate my inner status. And feed my soul with the nourishing deep breaths that bring me closer to equanimity (so what if it’s after the fact, right?). I feel balanced, one with the now, and see the world through the lens of non-resistance, as I become one with myself, and feel whole again.

You see, my problems didn’t go away but I can now look at them from through a mindful lens and take any appropriate measures. My reaction to the struggle didn’t prevent me from hitting the reset button. This is the beauty of parenting. We create, we love, we mess up, we reset, we begin again. Repeat.

Don’t beat yourself up, the struggle is real.

Don’t worry if you lose your top,

The reset button is always there.

Don’t try to live in a state of perfection,

You will only set yourself up to fail.

Live the life you have,

Not the one you wish you had.

Parent the child(ren) you have,

Not the one(s) you wish you had.

Even after the chaos,
Just not all the time.
And that’s ok. Too.