Whose Fear Is It, Anyway?

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Photo Cred: Faiza Liban Diamond

During our recent visit to Kenya, our parenting adventures turned out to be just as exhilarating as our visit to the unforgettable Maasai Mara, where the great migration from Serengeti to Mara was unfolding.

As we observed gazelles, antelopes, zebras, and wildebeest graze while constantly surveying the plains for lurking danger, I couldn’t help but reflect on my younger daughter’s activities a few days before we flew to the Mara. One minute she was laughing and giggling with a friend indoors and the next minute they were outside, running and playing without a care in the world. No one seemed not to notice the disappearance of the two 9 year olds – but me.

Five minutes later, I made a feeble excuse about wanting to give my daughter a heads-up that we would be leaving soon. The real goal was to peek and ensure they were safe – too many cars in this gated community, I thought to myself.

I called out for her. I called again. No response. Suddenly, a girl of similar age ran over and in what was barely a whisper, she said,  “Hi! She is over there playing with us, want me to get her?”. I smiled and mumbled something along the lines of “It’s ok, just be careful with cars”. She laughed and looked at me as though I had said the most insane thing. “But we always are!!”, she said and skipped away. Meanwhile, my 9 year old had spotted me and as I started to speak, something made me pause. It was the look on her face. She had her index finger over her lips, silencing me. Her face was stern, admonishing me as she let out the barely audible sound, “ssshhhhh”! I had exposed her hiding spot in a game of hide and seek.

Just like that, my kid was out there playing with multiple kids she had never met before without supervision and she was having the time of her life.

Have we in the west, been crippled by fear? Is the fear justified or perceived? Is there a way to give our children the freedom they so desperately need without putting them in danger? Children need to develop their own sense of danger and safety. They need to hone those skills from a young age. They are willing participants who find freedom from our constant supervision to be thrilling, so whose fear is it anyway? Certainly not theirs.

Unlike the gazelles and antelopes that are constantly on alert, looking out for predators camouflaged in the long Mara grass, there was no danger here. I was the lurking predator, threatening her independence and sense of adventure. I quietly retreated to the apartment – I had a lot to think about and sit with.

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